I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
