just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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