Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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