my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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