Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
