She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
