I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
