I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
