i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
