i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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