He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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