we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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