he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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