Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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