you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
