Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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