I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
then he tried to convert me to islam
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
