Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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