you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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