I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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