Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.

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  (860): my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4sug
  Replies (22) Good night (1198) Bad night (4263)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail

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  (801): Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail http://tfl.nu/5fc6
  Replies (47) Good night (4745) Bad night (1124)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?

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  (203): I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me? http://tfl.nu/jc3e
  Replies (7) Good night (1050) Bad night (4062)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

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  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (18101) Bad night (1344)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

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  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7822) Bad night (1277)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.

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  (517): the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into. http://tfl.nu/bckk
  Replies (14) Good night (3072) Bad night (1922)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...

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  (641): she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"... http://tfl.nu/ydyy
  Replies (11) Good night (1328) Bad night (4146)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.

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  (347): I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time. http://tfl.nu/7l8h
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (2164)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.

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  (706): Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon. http://tfl.nu/nu6w
  Replies (18) Good night (1394) Bad night (1821)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.

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  (469): Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS. http://tfl.nu/dcv0
  Replies (3) Good night (1584) Bad night (539)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?

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  (870): Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet? http://tfl.nu/5euz
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (750)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude

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  (315): Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude http://tfl.nu/8w6o
  Replies (1) Good night (668) Bad night (389)
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  (619): View more from California

  You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.

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  (619): You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off. http://tfl.nu/vzep
  Replies (3) Good night (285) Bad night (496)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."

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  (716): I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good." http://tfl.nu/4xsm
  Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (241)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.

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  (302): For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch. http://tfl.nu/hj2p
  Replies (0) Good night (141) Bad night (250)

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