Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

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(416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then

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(651): I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then http://tfl.nu/awn6

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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(617): it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast" http://tfl.nu/sn1x

Replies (11) Good night (2025) Bad night (3145)
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(856): View more from New Jersey

i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina

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(856): i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina http://tfl.nu/7m3b

Replies (22) Good night (950) Bad night (5196)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?

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(502): Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels? http://tfl.nu/vpae

Replies (12) Good night (1262) Bad night (3983)
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(913): View more from Kansas

You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.

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(913): You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals. http://tfl.nu/ise6

Replies (9) Good night (4487) Bad night (1265)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.

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(570): since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there. http://tfl.nu/6g57

Replies (4) Good night (2765) Bad night (824)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night

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(609): Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night http://tfl.nu/7184

Replies (17) Good night (5216) Bad night (1238)
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(434): View more from Virginia

She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere

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(434): She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere http://tfl.nu/6t7j

Replies (9) Good night (3145) Bad night (1263)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.

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(781): I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name. http://tfl.nu/dhok

Replies (15) Good night (712) Bad night (1266)
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(847): View more from Illinois

a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?

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(847): a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again? http://tfl.nu/tc2t

Replies (10) Good night (1607) Bad night (878)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop

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(609): You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop http://tfl.nu/nra3

Replies (7) Good night (1053) Bad night (682)
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(360): View more from Washington

I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.

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(360): I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this. http://tfl.nu/abfh

Replies (2) Good night (612) Bad night (509)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom

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(301): Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom http://tfl.nu/wuli

Replies (11) Good night (2518) Bad night (609)
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(+61): View more from Australia

The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.

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(+61): The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals. http://tfl.nu/0gao

Replies (0) Good night (725) Bad night (274)

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