we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
