I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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