the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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