the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
