he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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