I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
