Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
