Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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