Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
