I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
