just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize