Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
