sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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