Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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