i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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