Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
