dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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