these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
