Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
