my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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