I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
