so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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