plz talk dirty to me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
