I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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