Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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