I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
