shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
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The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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