We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
