He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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