there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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