it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
