when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
