He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
