She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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