I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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