My liver just broke up with me...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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