i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
