he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
