this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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