I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
