just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
